So far, it has been life. I obviously cannot control the ebb and flow of nature, so I simply must build a boat and float along. It has also been a time for metaphors (Ex: I was having a phone conversation with my mother last week and came up with the phrase "I'm not looking for a golden ticket; I'm just looking for a bar of chocolate."
Cynical? Not if you knew me.
I think growing up dedicated to the particularly exhausting art of musical theatre created a sense of idealism in me that I clung to for so much of my upbringing, particularly in times of struggle.
Also, apparently Dateline did a special about the harmful affects of styrofoam and microwavable plastic in causing premature puberty. I have twenty two middle school girls in my class things week, and there are two who are shorter than me. The tallest is 5'10. The age ranges are 11-14.
Also, artificial colors and food dyes are made from petroleum, which causes ADD.
I don't know when my world shifted. I've always been a cynic, but I used to be a child. Now I complain about "kids today."
I have a vivid memory of riding in the car to Murfreesboro, TN at the age of seventeen to a drama intensive and crying, inexplicably, for the state of the world. Strong feelings of guilt pulsed inside me for not being somewhere else, helping people.
Being so far away from everything I know is hard for someone like me, who finds comfort in familiarity. Once the romantic appeal of the old Northern style wooden paneled homes wore off, I was left with only little me in a city that could swallow me on foot. Minneapolis is not that big, but it is bigger than me.
Maybe the Twin Cities have won this round. There is nothing negative I have to say about them. They function like many cities do, in fact on some things they function better. Still, after three weeks of walking the same routes, I have begun to notice and cling to the imperfections.
This fills me with a strong desire to organize my life. I smell tasks ahead. But here, I only feel a half life.