Sunday, October 2, 2011

The Big Dipper

"There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them."
-CS Lewis, The Screwtape Letters


"Sometimes when I pray, or I'm in Church, I close my eyes and see tiny specks of light all around me. That's how I know God is real. Even though I'm so stunted, and such a sinner, God still gives me tiny glimpses of his wonder.
I've never told anyone that before."


"Wow.
Thank you."


"I can't believe you and I are talking like this."
"Neither can I."
"I didn't think it would ever happen."
Inhale.
"Do you think...
Do you think God gave me this time because, because he knew I was broken?"
Exhale.
"He gave me this time to come back to him."
Inhale.
"He knew...he knows...how broken I was. That I needed to fix myself. That I needed to fix us."
Exhale.
"Sweety..."
"I'm crying because I'm so happy. I don't deserve any of this, but I'm...I'm here."
Exhale. Inhale, exhale, sniff, wipe.


"When did you get to be so wise?"
"I went through a lot of crap at a really young age."


Sniff, wipe.


"It's so beautiful out here, Mama."
"What do you see?"
"Stars. Tons and tons of 'em. And trees, lots of trees, all silhouetted against the sky."
"Do you see the moon?"
Stare.
"Yes! Yes! It's right there! It's...huge! It's in my face! It's so bright!"
"Wait! Let me see it. If we're looking at the same moon, then we're not so far away, right?"
"You can't miss it. It's right THERE."
"Oh...where? All I can see are trees."
"Do you see the big dipper?"
"The one with the handle?"
"Yeah."
"Wait a minute. 
One...two...three...
Yes! I see the big dipper!"
Inhale. Exhale.
"There. We're both looking at the same big dipper.
See? We're not that far away."


Gaze.


Gaze.


"It's so big. A million times bigger than us."
"And think, then, if this is just what we see, imagine how big God is."


"Do you think he looks like a man?"
"Oh, no. I don't even think He's a He. But what humans conceive is so limited; we draw pictures of him with a white beard and a staff, but it's all limited. 
It's an intelligence. A persona. Omnipotent, omnipresent...you're never alone. Even alone, you're never truly alone."
"That's comforting."
"Yeah..."


"I'd like to be a star....a great ball of gas that just exists, burning and burning, energetic, aware."
"A light to the world."
"Maybe?
Just light. Nothing but light."
"Salt and light, like Father says. We're supposed to be salt and light to the world."


Sniff, wipe.
Exhale.


"Yeah."

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