Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Unpacking a Wedding

The dogs see everything. They see how tired I am. They see the many trays of barbeque and bottles of wine in the refrigerator. They see how frequently their water dish depletes. They see squirrels of course, and they bark, and bark, and bark, until the neighbors complain because everyone is awake until one in the morning. This past week they saw and met two new puppies who came and went along with my frighteningly grown up siblings and their significant others. They see me, too, and I see them, but sometimes I think they're the only ones who do. It's very easy to feel sorry for myself right now, even though I have so much to be thankful for (when do I not)? Unhappiness, in the sense of depression, for me often slithers in the door when I neglect my needs. And nothing makes it harder to meet your own needs than planning a wedding!

On the other hand, it was a very humbling experience, to "come home from college" and not be the center of attention. I was the youngest in my family for a long time (I'm not anymore) so I know how to demand attention. But somewhere along the line I think I figured out that most of the time, demanding makes people feel annoyed, intimated, or uncomfortable. So I try not to do that so much! Of course when I got home the little voices in my head were crying "tell them everything! tell them everything!" but why disrupt a good thing? I discovered that I can enjoy myself in the company and immersed in the stories of others, and play a participant. Who knew! And for the first time I felt so proud of my family for absolutely no reason related to me.


Of course, my role in this circus was very, very minimal. Other braver souls orchestrated the event; I was merely a player...but if I may boast, I think the entire day was nonstop fun. That's okay by me.



Of course, mayhem ensued.
Since being in Memphis, I've been a bridesmaid, a baker, and a spredsheet maker. I've also been brushing up on my puns and rhymes. I put my life on hold to help make this special, life changing event possible for someone else, and I couldn't be more happy about it. After all, that's what we're meant to do.

The clean up Crew
But now it's time to unpack the wedding. The happy couple is somewhere in the southwest, and just this morning I put away my makeup and high heels. The extra barbeque is put on ice for the next party; I gained five pounds. Then I went for a run and looked up at the sky. I felt so small beneath the birds. That's how I want to stay, small beneath the birds and grateful for the blue skies, soaking in sunshine and floating in music. But life has its responsibilities. In fact, life is mostly responsibilities, but it doesn't do to dwell on them, because there exists inevitability and the rising of the sun to wake us up again. I've missed dancing and doing my own things so much, but this heat makes me a prisoner in my own house! It also makes me blame. :) But I can do things in between, like write to-do lists and plan my next adventure, lie on the floor and practice my guitar. I should also call my mother. Always call your mother.

I know as soon as I leave I will miss home and will wish to be back in my room where nothing can touch me. But things can and do touch me, invisible things, all the time, no matter where I am. My control and my battle against invisible spirits takes place in my soul, which, God willing, will always be  protected. With that knowledge, and with prayers, I can conquer anything, so why be scared?


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