Friday, September 25, 2015

On Being Home, Awake

One of the biggest life lessons I keep coming back to from all of my travels is that life hits you in the face when you least expect it, and it hits you in a very big, very real way. Life is uncomfortable. Travelling is uncomfortable. It's new and different. It can be very strange.

People have always been afraid of what is different. I don't know why. Perhaps it's a "chicken and egg" conversation: which came first, the fear or the stereotypes?

I'm living in Memphis now. But I'm not living in the same Memphis I grew up in, and sometimes, I feel really ashamed that I never knew my current Memphis when I was young. My Memphis is Black; 60 percent African American to be precise. But that's not the Memphis I knew growing up, which evidences the other reality of my current Memphis. My Memphis is segregated as hell.

Why didn't I see it before? On some level I think I knew, but I never thought deeply about it, nor cared enough to do so. My school was white, my family was white, we were all middle class, we were all the same. So what did I have to be afraid of?

Injustice hit me like a brick to the face the first time I saw the terrible cement wall separating Israel from the West Bank. That's injustice, I thought. A cement wall. Well, we don't have one cement wall in Memphis, but we have a lot of little walls. They're called neighborhoods. They're called schools. They're called 201 Poplar.

It's not fair that I got to go to a great school and get in to college, when the average ACT score for this city is 17 and the percentage of those in poverty is almost 30 percent, with 45 percent of all children in Memphis living in poverty. Memphis' poverty statistics are shocking. Why didn't I learn this in school? Maybe I did. I just wasn't paying attention.

What do we do about it? What did I do in Israel? What did I do in Thailand? What do I do here?

Of course there is injustice everywhere. But knowing that, accepting that, and letting that pass unaffected is only perpetuating that injustice. Compassion necessitates action.

Why am I struggling so much with this right now? I think because suddenly I feel responsible. I know I'm not personally responsible for the systemic racism in this city, but I feel a sense of responsibility towards my city and everyone in it. It's easy, when you're living abroad, to pick and choose what injustices to invest your time in, because there is so much that is unfamiliar. You can use that barrier as an excuse to hide away. And as I'm learning, there is still so much that is unfamiliar to me about this city, this city I grew up in and so arrogantly thought I had figured out. I don't. I don't. I can't.

But I can try. I can get outside my comfort zone, like I've done before in other places. I can keep going outside of my own yard to see new things, experience knew events, meet new people from different backgrounds. Isn't that life, anyway?

My goals for my time in Memphis (however long that may be) are these: first, to learn more about the social injustices in the city and to get involved in active solutions. My current job is a great place to start, but that's only a little of myself. We can always go deeper. We just can't ever give up. Second, I want to explore. Build a bike, ride the MATA bus, and get out and about. There is a lot of beauty in this city.

Just because I'm back in the same place doesn't mean I'm the same person I was when I was last here. I'm not. I hope I'm not. I'm still only one person with no answers and irritating questions, but I'm still going. I hope you'll help me along.

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